The gift my mother gave me

The Gift My Mother Gave Me

At a time in my life when everything seemed in place — a good job, great friends, and what I thought was the perfect boyfriend — my mother gave me a gift.

I’d already turned down versions of this gift before.
My sister had offered it. So had a close friend.
Both had tried gently, then less gently, to help me see that the relationship I was in wasn’t good for me.

“You’re not yourself when you’re with him.”
“You’re setting yourself up for a big hurt.”

All true, of course.
I ignored every word.
I was in love. It would all work out.

Then one day, during a visit, my mother looked at me and said quietly:

“I notice that you don’t sing anymore.”

That was it.
No lecture. No warning. Just that.

It took me a couple of years — and one very broken heart — to understand what she’d really said.

After all, if your heart isn’t singing,
how can your mouth?

---

I think of her words often now.
They’ve become my quiet rule for happiness:

Find what makes your heart sing,
and do it as often as you can

Seeking a Common Language Part 3

Growing up I always believed the French had something over us in the area of love. Well who didn't think that really? I mean who ever heard of an English kiss? A Canadian kiss? But a French kiss we all recognize as the ultimate. Now that I am here working my way toward some level of comprehension, I have noticed a certain subtlety in this area that is certainly worth some effort to appreciate. Notice the differences below:

In English I say I have a friend or I have a lover. The words have very different meanings.
In French I might say copin or ami, but unless I give other indications you will not know whether this is my friend or my romantic partner.

In English there are two different but equally polite words, "sex" and "making love" for a similar act with perhaps a different levels of engagement.
In French on fait l'amour, whether in a casual or more involved sense. Yes I realize there are other words in both languages, but they are not typically used in polite conversation.

And of course I like my friend and love my lover. In English.
In French J'aime bien a friend, and j'aime my lover. 

French is clearly more subtle and more complicated. Learning the simple vocabulary is important, but perhaps not sufficient to stay out of trouble. Stay tuned for my many mishaps as I work toward French fluency.

seeking-common-language-part-2

Seeking a Common Language

Returning to my roots

Returning to My Roots

For the first time since moving here, I had a wave of What am I doing in Paris? I’m not Parisienne!

I’m not sure what brought it on — probably the usual mix of little frustrations. The complexity of life here. Not knowing how to get everyday things done. Realizing I’d mishandled my French tax declaration (all fixed now). Or maybe just waking up to how exhausting it can be to listen hard enough, every day, to truly understand the conversations around me.

That train of thought led, inevitably, to the next question:
If not Paris, then where?

Canada, of course, would make sense — closer to family and old friends.
The US too, where I lived for several years and still have people I love.
Other European countries? Other continents? I wasn’t feeling inspired by any of them.

---

While mulling this over, I went to my salon — my quiet place to think.
I asked my stylist what I should do with my hair.

He smiled and said, “Retournez à vos racines.”
Return to your roots.

So I did.

Not to Canada, but to my natural hair colour — something I hadn’t seen in at least twenty years. I couldn’t even remember what shade it was.

And here it is — my natural colour, back after twenty years.
Paris can keep her secrets; I’ve found mine again

Seeking a Common Language - Part 2

And so it continues, this struggle to understand and to be understood. See previous post Seeking a common language.  At  a relaxed and entertaining brunch this weekend, several mis-communications lead to hilarity. 

Let's start with my conversation with the young Colombian woman who was in Paris to complete her master's in commercial law, which I somehow heard as martial law. Imagine her confusion as this witty conversation unfolded.

Me: What exactly does an attorney do under martial law?
Her: I don't know. Why?
Me: Well if you are doing your masters I thought you would know already.
Her: Commercial law isn't anything like martial law.
Me: No I don't imagine so.
Her: Just a very puzzled face and a quick search for someone smarter to talk to...


Next a guest who explained that her carte de sejour, her photo identification which shows she has permission to work in France, indicates that she is divorced. Unfortunately this typically gets printed on name tags as  Jennifer Divorced Huntsmeyer, simply due to the placement of each respective word on the id. Nothing like a little free advertising as you are introduced to your new colleagues. Please note: the conversation below took place only in my warped little mind.

Her: Let's not waste any time. As you can see I totally screwed up my first marriage. Want to see if the next one will be any different?
Him: Er, uh, I think I see someone or no one over there I need to speak to most urgently...

And little things can be confusing. For example
Host: Would you like some more food?
French Guest: Why not? (This means yes please)
Canadian Guest: No thanks (This means please convince me to have a little more)
Indian Guest: Normally that would be finished (This also means yes please).

As the time passed, and the champagne was swilled, we became ever more brave, venturing into such topics as religion and politics. We discussed whether certain fundamentalist religions are cults, and if women really are exercising free choice in wearing dark wool over their entire bodies, and yes I mean a burka. We talked about a man with 50 wives and 300 children, and whether he speaks to them over a public address system or leaves the child rearing to someone else. Looking back I wonder at our bravery, having already destroyed the reputation of one country, one (divorced) woman, and several former dieters!