Calm Cool Collected in Chicago

Question: What should you do when someone is applying a rule to you which is to no one's benefit?

Answer: Remain calm, cool and collected. 

For example, while dealing with the Delta ticket agent today who explained that she would be checking my bag to Hartford, even though she could see that my ticket had been changed to transfer at Detroit to head back to Paris. Her point was, (if she even had a point) that originally I had purchased a ticket which included a Hartford leg, so she would have to apply the rule of not "short checking the bag", which she would be doing if she checked it to Detroit only.

We both knew that I had already spent 30 minutes on the phone with a Delta ticket agent and then her supervisor to have this corrected. And yes they had already charged me $192 to not fly on the Detroit to Hartford bit. But rules are rules, even if they are not real rules, and she either needed to send my bag to Hartford today or charge me $150.

Clearly arguing and explaining were getting me nowhere. So I took that negative energy and turned it right back into her, like some weird kung fu move learned in a previous life.

I said, "Okay. I understand. Go ahead and send the bag to Hartford. I am not going there, so once I arrive in Paris I will ask them to go ahead and send it to me in Paris."

Huh.

End of disagreement.

My bag is on its way to Paris, with a brief stop over in Detroit. No extra charge. I am trying not to gloat.

Efficiency: How North American

Yesterday in Paris I watched three officers write a parking ticket. For the same car. They all stood facing the improperly parked vehicle and wrote in their respective parking offense books. It appeared as though two of them were writing on blue forms in triplicate and another was completing pink forms. I am pretty sure the blue forms of the two offers were identical - what do you call triplicate doubled?

All this to say, there could be some inefficiency in France. And when you think about it, any city with 20 mayors in 20 city halls could be suspected of having some built in inefficiency.

Let's compare this with my North American home culture where we are oh so efficient:

Speaking: We talk fast and use short sentences. Everyone has a shortened form of their name in case we do not have time to say the whole name. Okay there are places where the whole name takes a lot of time, like Billy Bob Ray Lee, but in most circumstances I wonder if this short cutting is really necessary. In Nova Scotia we take it to a higher level by trying to say even short sentences really fast, so "Did you eat yet?" becomes "Jeet yet?". No time is wasted on speaking.

Eating: In North America the typical meal occurs between two other activities, such as working and working, or during other activities, such as Facebooking and watching television or you guessed it, working. Restaurants are often motivated to get the first group of diners on their way in order to make way for a second or third shift, completely possible when we have many diners beginning at 5PM (no one would show up for dinner here before 7, which is still considered very early for anything except a pre-dinner drink, called an apero). And upon arriving at a restaurant we expect the meal to appear within mere moments of our backsides hitting the chair. So much more efficient than, say arriving a bit later in the evening, enjoying an apero and some nice conversation, receiving entree, main and dessert in a leisurely manner (yes, the entree comes before the main, no matter what we write on American menus), and finally a small coffee (the one concession to time efficiency here in France) as final topics of conversation are wrapped up. 

Working: You know it, that thing that occurs during eating, also during sleeping but hopefuly not during more intimate activities. We North Americans all arrive early in the morning, make our way to our respective desks without so much as a how do you do to our colleagues, sit at our desks and work. Alone. Without talking, which would only consume time.  This is quite different from my experience in Paris where everyone arrives a little later (they probably slept in after that late dinner, or didn't sleep at all after that even later coffee). Each person takes a few minutes to kiss their colleagues, or at a minimum shake their hand, ask how they are, listen to the answer, and respond in kind. Anything interesting that has occurred since the day before is shared, sometimes over a very small coffee, and then the work day can begin. The work day almost certainly involves a lot more conversation than the average North American is used to, as each topic deserves some team input and discussion. In the middle of the day everyone stops and has lunch, usually together, and more conversation takes place. Finally, by 6 or 7PM, each person leaves after taking a moment to say goodnight to their colleagues. It takes some getting used to, all this talking and time that could have been spent, yes working. Alone. At my desk. Teamwork without the actual talking to people is what I was used to.

On balance? If enjoying a three hour dinner means I have to accept some inefficiencies, I choose the three hour dinners. Thanks Paris for not always being easy, but for never being boring.

Moments of Kindness

Throughout the day how many times do you catch yourself with a negative thought or comment about someone? The driver in front of you. The driver behind you. The driver who steals your parking spot (perhaps he didn't see you reserved sign). The kid with the droopy jeans. The old person taking too much time to do whatever it is they are doing.

During my visit to Alberta this Christmas, I planned a day out with my mother. I knew there would be challenges, because she is in a wheelchair and needs quite a bit of help to get from chair to vehicle. We were going shopping and then to lunch, both of which would require some maneuvering.

Mom modeling one of 25 ways
to wear her new scarf

At some point during the day I began to notice the number of people making the day easier than I would have anticipated, starting with my sister who loaned me her vehicle with 4 wheel drive and said to come back whenever, one of the 250 nice things she did for me during the week. Actually the nicest thing of all was sitting with our mother earlier in the month to extract stories of her memories of each of us, and then typing us each a letter from Mom full of those stories. Oh and cooking dinner for 18 Christmas Day. But I digress...

My sister Angie baking pies for her 18 guests Christmas day

When I arrived at Mom's residence I was able to park right in front and the nurses had Mom all ready to go, another nice thing. The shopping center had no obvious handicapped parking, but I pulled right up to the main door and a nice young man opened the doors for us. When we were leaving the mall another young man offered his strong arms to hoist Mom into the vehicle. At the restaurant a young woman rushed out and held the doors for us.  A young man did the same as we were leaving, and a second man in the parking lot helped us do the transfer to vehicle smoothly. Small gestures make a big difference in such circumstances.

Back at my sister's, after giving me their bedroom for the week, my sister and her husband loaned me ski pants, a jacket, socks, boots, a warm hat and gloves, and best of all, a skidoo! Yes I am Canadian and no I have never driven a skidoo before. With hundreds of acres at our disposal we played on the back field, and then proceeded to cross roads, fences and fields to visit neighbors.  What fun! 

Then  back to get ready for an evening of visiting with more friends, all of whom went out of their way to make me feel welcome and eventually suffer from post -laugh syndrome, typically caused by long sessions of uninterrupted laughter. Oh and we had delicious food throughout the evening. My final gift that day was an education on cow calf operations in Canada, so I can finally answer the questions posed to me by my French boyfriend about the where why and how of Canadian farming vs. French methods. Thanks Tracey and Yvonne.

His and her cattle paddles with rattles 

Jeannine showing me a cow counter

As usual I will finish by issuing you a little challenge. Pick a day and count the number of kindnesses offered to you throughout the day. Then try to be grumpy. Bet you can't!

What will you remember?

What does December represent in your life? Regret for things unfinished and pride in your accomplishments? Christmas with its mixed bag of loneliness and joy?

For me it is a dose of reality. No matter the pleasant surprises up to now, it is truly winter. And whatever is left unstated/unfinished is likely to remain so.


Of course I feel very strongly the desire to be with friends and family. And even though it means leaving my wonderful man behind this year, I will spend a few wonderful days with Mom and my sister and brother in Alberta. And it will be great. And still there will be others missing.

But what a year it has been!

May midnight celebration of Alison's birthday
at DaZavola Paris

March Andy visited me
in Southampton, UK

Sept with Alison
Potato Head Beach Club Bali

April search for a decent
Bloody Mary in Paris

Sept Bali with Alison

April discovery of discount shopping
in Marne la Vallee

Aug visit Berlin with Annie

August walk with Serge
Parc Monceau

January started tradition of Sunday market shopping
(eating) Place Monge Paris

February first time in Shanghai

July wildlife with Angie
Alberta

September Happy Hour in Paris

July visit included a day at the cottage
with Mom Alberta

January Daycap became a formal practice
Park Hyatt Paris

Dec Christmas window
BHV Paris

July Bastille Day
Paris

July Alberta visit
Harold and Amaya

June Bike tour of Bourgogne
Alison, Simon, Carole, Melanie

June Chez George

June with Serge
Jardin de Luxembourg

One day trip to Madrid

May Capri with Angie

March Paris

March Barcelona with colleagues

May Johannesburg

May Rome with Angie

May Naples with Angie

May Pompeii

May Sorrento

May Positano

May Cape of Good Hope South Africa

May my first wild penguins in South Africa

November back to Shanghai

October Chris Isaak concert

Zurich wine tasting

October Daycapping
in Paris

September quick trip to Vienna

November Susan visited me in Paris

Memory Sense

My Father Should Have Smelled Like Ink

Inspired by Bentlily’s prompt to write about how my father smelled

My father should have smelled of ink and paper,
from devouring every book within reach —
often chosen by size, not by subject.

I imagine him again at the kitchen table,
coffee and cigarette side by side,
a small act of triumph, or maybe denial.

If it was summer,
a finch tap-tapped at the window.
Only they two knew the code.

Be Well in France

Having been recently hospitalized in Paris, I am sharing my impression of the French Health Care system compared to the US or Canadian versions. 

SAME

• There are lots of good doctors, but finding one that is right for you takes some effort.
• The doctors and nurses in both places were kind, professional and competent.

DIFFERENT

• In Paris I was encouraged to stay in the hospital until I was well enough to go home. Compare this to the U.S. where I went home the day after heart surgery. 
• Everyone here was very casual with the medication instructions. Even asking for several repetitions and posing detailed questions left me pretty much in the dark. Thank God for WebMD.
• Patients here typically go home with several types of medications, and an option to ask for more or different.
• The doctor here prescribes significant time off work. Paid-for time. 
• Patients here should be prepared for a "surprise visit" from L'Assurance Maladie to make sure they are unwell and at home.
• There are public hospitals (basically free with insurance) and private clinics (not free at all). 
• Even in the private clinic here I received a hospital bill lower than I eceived post surgery in the U.S. where I was fully insured. 

Although I do not recommend being sick anywhere in the world, if you have to be sick, Paris takes good care of you.

What happens in Shanghai

View of Shanghai from breakfast window

A calm lunch spot

Not everything is modern

On my recent trip to Shanghai I felt we were all in a dance. Every conversation was circular. Formal. Oh oh so polite. Meals had a protocol, not always visible but revealed like the lace beneath the skirt, slowly and carefully, if you were paying attention. (I admit at times to being too distracted by my inability to keep the slippery food, including cow's stomach, on my chopsticks to pay full attention at all times.)


Rush hour on the metro, where people might display their worst manners, was quite pleasant. Yes one must move quickly to avoid being run over, but there was no pushing and shoving like we often see here in Paris. When the metro was comfortably full the remaining people waited for the next one. No one held the doors open in order to squeeze into an impossible space.

Night view before they turn off the office buildings at 8PM

In the midst of such politeness however I did see some rather unpleasant behaviour. While having a nightcap in the hotel lobby bar one evening, I could not help but notice (i.e. hear) the group of American men at the next table. They managed to insult each of the beautiful servers in turn, apparently believing it was within their rights to do so. They propositioned each without grace (or effect). Their approach included asking where they could obtain a massage "with a happy ending". And following their lack of success with such classy moves, they expressed their disappointment in Shanghai's level of entertainment.

Impressive.

So I wonder: is this the typical behaviour of these men at home in the US? Or is this behaviour reserved for Asia, and based on some opinion about Asian women? Is it possible that the manners of this trio adjust as they travel throughout the world, and if so, how do they choose the behaviour best suited to that place? 

What a shame if the actions of this small group reflect more generally on a larger population. Although unrealistic as an expectation, it would have pleased me greatly to see the other men in the bar speak up, even if just to distance themselves from such inappropriate talk. Perhaps the lack of success with these tactics will be enough to change future interactions for the trio, but I would have been more reassured if they were set right by their peers.

This post is not intended to be a comment on American men. I am sure that many of us manage to insult others during our travels, hopefully without bad intentions. I wonder too if we have lost our ability to enforce good manners, now that we are so separated from others in our daily lives.

What do you think?